Getting older

I've been thinking about this for awhile, but it really hit me about a month ago, when I got my engagement photos back. Are those crows feet next to my eyes? Yes. Do I always have that crease in my forehead? Yes. Now I know I'm just feeling it anymore - I'm looking it too. I am getting older!

Now, I'm not saying I'm old. I'm just saying I've been noticing things over the past year or so, but seeing the photos really brought me to the realization that I am almost 30. The thought of going to an amusement park make me nauseous. I can't eat anything I want anymore without stepping on the scale and seeing it rise. My lack of energy and endurance in workouts and runs is saddening compared to what it used to be. If I don't work out for a day, I can tell the next day when I put on my clothes. And my God, why is it so hard to sleep straight through the night anymore without waking up for no reason (or waking up because I have to pee)? Seriously, I hate that.

Of course, being older than Michael by several years doesn't help, since when I was his age, I was in the best shape of my life. He still has energy and the ability to work off that cheeseburger and fries easily (however, he also sucks at sleeping so that makes me feel a little better sometimes).

I broke down a few weeks ago and bought my first anti-aging facial moisturizer. Michael told me I was being crazy, but I needed it to make me feel better. Have I noticed a difference yet? Sort of. Honestly, I think I want to see a difference so badly that I am telling myself I do. I've also been trying hard to lose some weight before the wedding, which is a lot tougher now than it ever was for me before. Since all my magazines tell me to lift weights, I've been making myself do that too, even though I hate it. That's going ok, but the pounds aren't falling the way they used to and that's annoying. I guess that whole mantra "You are what you eat" is true because that's the next thing that needs to change. I have to accept the fact that I can't eat like I used to.

Earlier this month, Michael and I went to a Twins game that was rain-delayed for two hours. Our seats enabled us to get free food the whole game. So at 11pm, it was only the 5ht inning so I ate a hotdog. Well, I tried. About halfway through, I threw it away. It made me nauseous to be eating so late. I do not need to eat that late, and if I am eating, it should NOT be a hotdog. Bad Jenni! Plus, I felt awful after that. My body cannot handle "4th meals" anymore.

I'm not saying that I don't want to age. I am actually really excited for the next 10 years of my life. I just hope I age gracefully, like my mom. I'm not quite 30 yet but I definitely feel like I'm in my 30s. Gone are the days of not washing my face before bed, bar nights until 1am and greasy breakfast aftewards, sleeping until 10am, and not wearing sunscreen everyday (you should see my skin right now - it's Taylor Swift pale. No more tanning beds ever for this girl!). And you know what - I am TOTALLY ok with that. Because since those days are gone, they've been replaced with things like this: planning the future with the love of my life, eating dinner on our deck every night, yard work on our house and waving to our neighbors as they walk by, reading by the lake under a shaded tree, and loads of other  things. Yeah, the getting older thing can suck sometimes, but I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything.